Posted by
Corthell on Monday, December 28, 2009 10:12:42 AM
''Pro-choicers,' notable for their opposition to the death penalty, will be nonplussed when several states change the wording of their capital-punishment statutes from 'execution' to 'retroactive abortion.' '' The first 10 years of the 21st century will fall behind us Friday, and so we have turned to the protean sage, Howard Bashford, seeking his prognostications for the first year of the next decade.
In our interview, Bashford was voluble, to say the least.
"Certainly I have a few predictions for you," he said, producing a scroll that unfurled across his desk, dropped to the floor and kept unrolling until it bumped against a wall. "Let me read you just a few." And so, he began:
"Shocking the entertainment industry, a television network will roll out a new crime drama that does not display human bodies in varying stages of decay and dismemberment.
"The Democratic Party will purchase a new name – cheap – from the Socialist Party of America. DNC Chairman Tim Kaine will say, 'What's the point of having two parties with the same program?'
"The New York Times will confess that one of its reporters plagiarized material for his stories. Further, it will disclose that the plagiarized material came from other stories previously published in the Times. Further still, it will confess that an internal investigation discovered that the original stories themselves were cribbed from back numbers of 'True Crime' magazine.
"Vice President Joe Biden again will be forced to explain that the policy differences he had with Barack Obama during the 2008 presidential primary campaign weren't really differences at all.
"Environmentalists will demand government action to curtail an exploding polar bear population, which threatens endangered seals with extinction.
"Nevada Sen. Harry Reid, the Senate's majority leader, will review voter opinion poll data and then announce he will not seek re-election to the U.S. Senate. Reid will explain he wants to spend more time with his family.
"The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will introduce a new Oscar category: Best Presentation of Alternative Lifestyles.
"Republicans in Congress will have backbone transplant surgery, provided by their constituents.
"Countless times in 2010, President Obama will say, 'Let me be clear.' He will not be.
"The football team of the University of California, Berkeley, will win the Pac 10 Conference championship. The Bears will compete for the national championship in the 2011 Rose Bowl game. (Hey, I have to include some fantasy.) http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=120223