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Funniest news stories of 2009

Posted by Diocuore on Monday, December 28, 2009 6:01:03 PM

Funniest news stories of 2009

Greetings, friends!
Welcome once again to the highly anticipated roundup of some of the funniest news of the year, the 2009 edition.
It's really a shame not to have that clown, George W. Bush, around anymore, but it appears another bozo is already doing his best in the role of buffoon in chief.
We start with this.

Barack Hussein the Ogler. Mmm, mmm, mmm!

http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=110778
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We can have a better America in 2010

Posted by Diocuore on Monday, December 28, 2009 6:00:29 PM

We can have a better America in 2010


''...America is not going down without a fight, and we are not going down. We never have, and we never will. The president and Congress want us to believe that the worst legislations of the century are a done deal. They are not.'' In the world of opera, it is said that it's not over until the fat lady sings. The fat lady will be singing for the voters in November 2010.

It is hard to imagine that we can have a better America in 2010 with all the things that got worse in 2009. The economy got worse. The unemployment rate got much worse. The war in Afghanistan got worse. The national debt got much worse. The annual deficit got worse. The general attitude of the American people got worse. The favorability of Congress got much worse. And the president's favorability ratings got much worse.
But we can have a better 2010 than 2009, and here's how.
First, remember the words of the Declaration of Independence:
"That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends (life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness) it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it."
We have some altering and abolishing to do to make 2010 better than 2009.
It concludes at the ballot box in November 2010. It starts with people getting informed, engaged, involved and energized about the issues, the solutions, the deceptions and the lies about what is being forced onto the American people.
I know this is the "season for the reason" for being thankful, and we are. But we have to do some things differently in 2010 to keep this country as the greatest country in the world.
Thomas Jefferson said, "The American people won't make a mistake, if they are given all of the facts." President Ronald Reagan also reminded us of that truth.
That's what the tea party rallies, conferences and demonstration bus tours are all about. That's what the public anger and outrage is all about, even though the president and the Democratic leadership are ignoring it. People are learning the facts and the truth.
This time the people will remember in November. http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=120224
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Do you feel safe and secure now?

Posted by Diocuore on Monday, December 28, 2009 5:59:58 PM

Do you feel safe and secure now?


''So, let the flyer beware. And to every American reading this column, know that your personal security is up to you. The government is not watching out for you.''

If you have traveled by airline lately – domestically or internationally – you know the meaning of the word "hassle."
Ordinary people who pose no possible threat to life and limb are forced to take off their shoes, their belts, walk through metal detectors, get their bags X-rayed and stand on long security lines.
Meanwhile, as we saw last weekend, a man with "significant terrorist connections" boards a plan in Nigeria with the components of a bomb and nearly succeeds in detonating it as it approached Detroit.
In other words, all the best efforts of government's politically correct, non-profiling of airline passengers proves worthless once again.
In fact, if it hadn't been for the alert passengers on Flight 253, all 278 of them might have perished in the latest act of Islamic terrorism. Passengers, not crew members, jumped over one another to subdue the fiend. There was not a TSA agent or a sky marshal in sight.
The government's response to the latest incident is to increase its meaningless security charade in which all passengers – elderly grandmas and newborns – are scrutinized with the same level of enthusiasm as those with "significant terrorism connections."
Maybe you're asking yourself why someone with "significant terrorism connections" is permitted on a commercial airliner headed for the U.S.
What is the purpose of the "no-fly list" if not to keep those with "significant terrorism connections" from getting on board?
Don't expect to get an answer to that question. Just expect your own personal airline hassles to increase. http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=120226
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Obama's 'most important message'?

Posted by Diocuore on Monday, December 28, 2009 5:59:25 PM

Obama's 'most important message'?


''So let me see if I got this straight. Obama's Christmas theology and mission is thus: Jesus is Ghandi. The wise men were non-greedy corporate executives. The "most important message" at Christmas is personal potential. And the "most important thing" children can do for their future is read and do math.''

First, unlike preceding presidents who took pride in America's Judeo-Christian heritage and confessed the nature of Christ as Savior, our president (with the first lady at his side) brought the briefest and most impotent religious admonition in the history of presidential Christmas addresses on Dec. 24, describing the incomparable Bethlehem miracle as merely containing a benign "message of peace and brotherhood that continues to inspire more than 2,000 years after Jesus' birth."
The presidential yuletide moment of the week and season, however, dipped far further under the radar just a few days before on Dec. 22. It was Obama's visit Monday to the Boys and Girls Club in Washington, D.C., during which he had a free exchange (non-teleprompter) discussion with the children about Christmas. All seemed to be going fine until after the president read "The Polar Express" and led a discussion on what the kids wanted from Santa, when a few children brought up the real reason for the season.
Here's the actual transcript (with a little of my own parenthetical Christmas commentary to boot):
President: I think one thing that's important to remember is that, even though there's a lot of fun at Christmas, you know, you got – especially when it's snowy like this, so it's pretty outside, you got the Christmas tree, you got the Christmas cookies, you've got presents. You know, I think that the most important thing is just to remember why we celebrate Christmas.
(So far so good, Mr. President, but there's a child with his hand up right in front of you!)
Child: I know!
President: Do you know?
Child: The birth of baby Jesus.
(If you can't see in your mind's eye the president getting hot around the collar, check out the video version.)
President: The birth of baby Jesus, and what he symbolizes for people all around the world is the possibility of peace and people treating each other with respect. And so I just hope that spirit of giving that's so important at Christmas, I hope all of you guys remember that as well. ...
(Where is South Carolina Rep. Joe Wilson when you need him? Wrong, Mr. President! You didn't speak for the majority of Americans when you declared in Turkey last April, "We are not a Christian nation," and you don't speak for "people all around the world" about the birth of the baby Jesus, especially when you define him merely as a community coordinator and social reconciler. His main mission and message was as the Redeemer of mankind – the Savior with a self-confessed mission to "give his life as a ransom for many" to forgive all our sins and reconcile God and human's relationship.) http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=120227
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2010: The year ahead: Darker Days

Posted by Diocuore on Monday, December 28, 2009 5:58:51 PM

2010: The year ahead: Darker Days


''Since it is obvious that banks seized by the FDIC do not make new loans, we can expect the pace of credit contraction to increase in keeping with the number of failed banks. If failed deposits of 1.84 percent correspond with a 6.2 percent decline in commercial bank loans, then a 5 percent rate would tend to indicate a 16.8 percent reduction. This level of credit contraction would be completely unprecedented in the post-war period; one presumes it would also be catastrophic in terms of its consequences for the national economy.''

While the Great Depression is considered to have begun with the great stock market crash of 1929, the first mention of the words "great depression" was in a speech given by Herbert Hoover in late 1931. The first specific and titular reference did not occur until 1934, when British economist Lionel Robbins published a book titled "The Great Depression." This would neither be the first nor the last time economists influenced by the Austrian School would be the first to identify a major economic downturn in the making or to point out that the policies of the fiscal and monetary authorities were guaranteed to exacerbate it.
What then, are the prospects of enduring recovery? It is clear that they are not bright. It is quite probable, if there is no immediate outbreak of war on a large scale, that the next few months may see a substantial revival of business. If the exchanges are stabilised and the competition in depreciation ceases, there is a strong probability that the upward movement, which began in the summer of 1932, will continue. If the stabilisation were made permanent and some progress were made with the removal of the grosser obstacles to trade, it is not out of the question that a boom would develop. There are many things which might upset this development. The basis of recovery in the United States is gravely jeopardised by the policy of the Government.
– Lionel Robbins, "The Great Depression," Page 195
At the end of 2009, conventional economists are claiming that the economic contraction which began in 2008 is over. Most government published statistics show growth and the stock markets have recovered half of their previous losses. While some of the wiser economists are hedging their bets by stating that they expect growth to be "sluggish" with "downside risks," there are no more expectations of market crashes, financial collapse or widespread economic contraction than there were at the beginning of 2008. The question is not one of growth versus contraction, but rather how much the economy will grow. However, the conventional economists are just as wrong to think the contraction is over as they were to believe that it was not on the horizon before. http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=120228
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Ellen Ratner: 2010 predictions

Posted by Diocuore on Monday, December 28, 2009 5:58:12 PM

Ellen Ratner: 2010 predictions


''#7: Americans will become more aware of the drug trade from Mexico. It has been something that has been lost in the immigration debate. Mexico as a "failed state" will become more of a headline.''

We are beginning the second decade of the millennium. We'll see congressional elections, the winter Olympics and a few Republican candidates beginning the Iowa and New Hampshire slog toward the nomination for president. Some of the year is highly predictable, while the wild card of the weeks and days will bring entertainment, sadness and joy as we move through the next 365 days. So, without the benefit of a crystal ball or being able to discern the stars, here is what I predict.
1. Health care passes the House and Senate within a week of the State of the Union address. The plan might be to get it done before the State of the Union, but it will be passed within a week in either direction of the congressional speech. The president's address will be used as the rallying cry.
2. The November midterm elections will have the Democrats losing a maximum of 23 seats in the House, but not more. They will lose three seats in the Senate. This loss will prompt the Republicans to once again see this as a mandate and move to the conservative wing of the party. Unless Newt Gingrich rises to the top as the potential nominee, the party will begin to support right-wing candidates who do nothing except increase President Obama's chance for re-election.
3. We discover more water on other planets and even see the precursors for life on some of these. The possible discovery of water on the moon and Mars has increased the chances of sustainable life in many far away lands. "That we are not alone" is becoming more and more of a reality. Not exactly the bar scene from "Star Wars," but on a microbe level we are not the only actors.
4. We impose sanctions on Iran. I do not need to be a soothsayer to predict this, but all indications lead to imposing sanctions. The trouble is that without the help of some of the Arab countries that trade with Iran such as UAE, there is not much help that sanctions could work...http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=120225
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It is the year 2100 C.E. (Common Era, A.D. is no longer used)

Posted by Diocuore on Monday, December 28, 2009 1:43:44 PM

It is the year 2100 C.E. (Common Era, A.D. is no longer used)


[Note: This series of articles is written from the perspective The Order, which by 2100 has come to control the world.]
It is the year 2100 C.E. (Common Era, as A.D. is no longer used), and The Order of the New World or New Civilization has decreed that a history of its rise to power be written by its Ministry of Peace. That is what this paper relates, as we are now living in the most wonderful of times under the guidance of the benevolent Order.
First, it would probably be helpful to describe the model strategy used by The Order to obtain power over the people of the world. Because it was believed that the most difficult people (beside those fervently religious) to bring under The Order’s control would be those having a republican form of government, the model strategy used came from Philip Freneau’s “Rules for Changing a Limited Republican Government into an Unlimited Hereditary One” (American Museum, July 1792), which was an unheeded warning to Americans who supported a republican form of government. This was written shortly after the United States began as a republic, and in this work, Freneau said the limitations of the Republic’s (e.g., the U.S.) Constitution should be emphasized with “precedents and phrases” (e.g., due process) “shuffled in.” He next said that civil turbulence in the Republic should be contrasted with the stability existing under a hereditary elite. The “grand nostrum” of Freneau’s outline was the creation of debt “made as big as possible, as perpetual as possible, in as few hands as possible,” and as complicated as possible. He then said, “A great debt will require great taxes…. Money will be put under the direction of the government, and government under the direction of money” (e.g., banking elite).
The next step would be to create “artificial divisions” within society (e.g., “divide and conquer” strategy) which would “smother the true natural divisions between the few” (elite) “and the general mass of people, attached to their republican government and republican interests.” Freneau then indicated that the elite would give a popular name, such as “the general welfare,” to the usurped power so that those opposing the elite could be negatively labeled as “opposing the general welfare” of the people. He described how a military defeat (e.g., the Vietnam War) would “be turned into a political victory for the elite.” And lastly, he noted that those warning about the elite’s attempt to seize power would themselves be labeled as “enemies to the established government.” Freneau declared that this charge would “be reiterated and reverberated till at last such confusion and uncertainty be produced that the people, being not able to find out where the truth lies, withdraw their attention from the contest.” This last element of the model strategy was particularly useful to The Order in “turning off” people’s support for patriotic militia. http://www.newswithviews.com/Cuddy/dennis171.htm
 

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Freedom of creation and invention

Posted by Diocuore on Monday, December 28, 2009 1:43:09 PM

Freedom of creation and invention


''America achieved the greatest standard of living in the world, a position from which it has since fallen, not because of the genius of government planning (there is no such genius) but because of the freedom allowed for creation and invention.''

The Obama Administration and Democratic leaders in Congress keep hinting at greater federal spending to help jump start the economy. As existing spending programs dump some $13 trillion into isolated segments of the economy, the nation’s leaders are greatly expanding food, energy, environmental, and health care regulation. Apparently neither the President nor the Democratic leadership in Congress understands these measures to be contradictory, but most people in business see the contradiction all too clearly.
The spending, even in the enormous amounts this administration has doled out, invariably fails because it is aimed at politically favored industries and follows from a command-control model whose architects erroneously presume to know the direction of the market when, in truth, that direction is unpredictable. The spending fails to reach those who would put it to the best and highest uses precisely because largely unpredictable swings in consumer demand determine from moment to moment those best and highest uses. For example, before Bill Gates came along no government planner would likely have guessed that federal dollars doled out to budding young college kids with a knack for computer programming would yield a high rate of return, yet Gates’ contribution to the personal computing revolution altered fundamentally the nature of supply and demand for those skills. Were the current leaders in power in the early 1980s as the recession during the Reagan Administration came about, they would have likely dumped dollars in the wrong market sectors, as they do now. As former planners in the Soviet Union discovered their chagrin time and time again, bureaucrats do not understand and cannot predict the actions of a free market. Past performance is a mediocre predictor of future markets because consumer demand is dynamic and ever changing, not static and predictable. http://www.newswithviews.com/Emord/jonathan111.htm
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God expects us to fail

Posted by Diocuore on Monday, December 28, 2009 10:18:47 AM

God expects us to fail


''A nation that permits what God does not—i.e., abortion, pornography, promiscuity, adultery, homosexuality, materialism—does not rightly merit the label, “a Christian nation.”

A much revered minister once asked this question of Billy Graham's daughter: "Anne, what do you believe God expects from us?" A "preacher's kid," Anne raced through her cache of answers—He expects us to pray without ceasing, witness, tithe, read the Bible, and honor the Ten Commandments.
It was then the pastor-teacher countered with a surprising answer. What does God expect? He expects us to fail. Anne was astonished, but further thought convinced her. Apart from divine enablement, we "cannot keep ourselves an hour clean." All have sinned; all fall short. Yet we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous. God’s expectation is failure, and we deliver! But that’s not the end of it.
Thankfully, as believers, we receive abounding grace—albeit with consequences for our wrongdoings. This the fourth son of Aaron, Eli, learned well. A judge and high priest in Israel, he was a good and pure man; however, in raising his sons Hophni and Phinehas, Eli failed to toe the line. After all three died inglorious deaths, Phinehas’ wife delivered a son, whom she called Ichabod—that is, “Where is the glory?” Because of Eli’s grievous shortcomings, the presence of God (His glory) departed Israel when, on Eli’s watch, the ark was taken captive. http://www.newswithviews.com/Rae/debra159.htm
 

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Miguel Diocuore(aka Mike Corthell) invites you to visit him on facebook and take a look at his political discussion forum. You may also like to read his thoughts at his ''I SAY'' blog.
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Anti-Immigration equals America's survival

Posted by Diocuore on Monday, December 28, 2009 10:16:39 AM

Anti-Immigration equals America's survival


''What you [really, really] need to ask yourself: what will my kids do when our immigration policy drives this civilization beyond the carrying capacity of this nation, destroys our environment, exceeds our water supplies as well as degrades our standard of living and quality of life into that of a third world country?''

Ever get the feeling you’ve been conned? Somebody sold you a bill of goods? Got a queasy feeling deep down in your guts? P.T. Barnum said, “There’s a sucker born every minute.”
And yet, at the Copenhagen Conference on Climate Change, not one single, solitary, pea-pickin’ world leader mentioned the fact that humans add an unimaginable number of themselvs to the planet annually; and, that no amount of cap and trade, conservation or even alternative energy could prevent desecration of Earth’s environment. Never have I seen so many ‘dead’ people sitting up in their seats with their eyes open.
In a stunning column, Steve Sailer, www.Vdare.org, exposed the insanity of the Copenhagen fraud with a piece titled: “What the New Census Bureau Projections Mean For Climate Change—and America.”
“With climate in the news, it’s a good time to review the Census Bureau study of the factor that will have the single greatest impact on U.S. carbon emissions over the next 40 years: immigration,” said Sailer. “With a couple of weeks left in the decade, the Census Bureau has finally gotten around to releasing “What If?” projections showing the impact of various immigration policies on America’s population:
“… a greater number of migrants arriving in the United States will correspond to a larger increase in the size of the total population. Under the assumption of a high level of net international migration, the population is expected to grow to 458 million by 2050. … “ [United States Population Projections: 2000 to 2050 by Jennifer M. Ortman and Christine E. Guarneri of the Census Bureau]
That’s an increase of 150 million carbon-belching residents of America.
"In contrast, for the Zero Net International Migration series the population will increase slightly by 2050 to 323 million."
That’s an increase of only 15 million.
“In other words, immigration policy will determine whether the population grows over the next four decades by 150 million or by 15 million—an order of magnitude!” said Sailer. “Americans are just not supposed to think about the link between immigration, population, and carbon emissions. Didn’t George Orwell say, “Ignorance is Strength!” or something like that?!” http://www.newswithviews.com/Wooldridge/frosty530.htm
 
 
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I resolve in 2010 to develop courage

Posted by Diocuore on Monday, December 28, 2009 10:15:59 AM

I resolve in 2010 to develop courage


''Part of the reason is that I've seen what's happened to my country, and I don't like it. I've seen what the silent censorship of political correctness has created, and I don't like it. I've seen that young people simply don't know about our greatness and how we attained that – not because they're dumb but because they deliberately have not been taught.''

I don't usually make New Year's resolutions.
They tend to be predictable and trite. They're easy to list and easier to ignore! I've done my share of that.
Maybe it relates to age. When we're young and dumb, we think we can do and accomplish anything. All we have to do is make a list and it's done!
So we make resolutions, which usually have to do with how we'll act or respond to something – or how we'll change something. Usually that "something" relates to a negative aspect of our lives.
When we're older, we're usually wiser – which means we're smart enough to know what we will or won't do. We're smart enough to know that resolving to give up a bad habit – or start a good one – just because it's Dec. 31 is an exercise in futility. Or stupidity. Or stubbornness. Or maybe, just plain wishful thinking and silliness.
But what's the point? In fact, the whole idea of New Year's resolutions has faded over the last decades.
Maybe it had a lot to do with the fact that we've just gone through a phenomenal period of economic success and a bubble of luxury. We had jobs, money, time and the ability to fulfill dreams. Not everyone, of course, but enough of us that we really had a pretty cushy life.
There were jobs and trips and clothes and entertainment. There was money for just about anything we wanted, and if we didn't have the cash, there was credit – plenty of credit. It was easy to get and easy to increase.
The guidelines that we may once have been taught by parents and teachers, who understood what a budget was and who knew what would happen when it doesn't balance, were lost in the heady excesses that were ours.... http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=119608
 

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Capital idea: Retroactive Abortion

Posted by Diocuore on Monday, December 28, 2009 10:12:42 AM

Capital idea: Retroactive Abortion


''Pro-choicers,' notable for their opposition to the death penalty, will be nonplussed when several states change the wording of their capital-punishment statutes from 'execution' to 'retroactive abortion.' '' The first 10 years of the 21st century will fall behind us Friday, and so we have turned to the protean sage, Howard Bashford, seeking his prognostications for the first year of the next decade.
In our interview, Bashford was voluble, to say the least.
"Certainly I have a few predictions for you," he said, producing a scroll that unfurled across his desk, dropped to the floor and kept unrolling until it bumped against a wall. "Let me read you just a few." And so, he began:
"Shocking the entertainment industry, a television network will roll out a new crime drama that does not display human bodies in varying stages of decay and dismemberment.
"The Democratic Party will purchase a new name – cheap – from the Socialist Party of America. DNC Chairman Tim Kaine will say, 'What's the point of having two parties with the same program?'
"The New York Times will confess that one of its reporters plagiarized material for his stories. Further, it will disclose that the plagiarized material came from other stories previously published in the Times. Further still, it will confess that an internal investigation discovered that the original stories themselves were cribbed from back numbers of 'True Crime' magazine.
"Vice President Joe Biden again will be forced to explain that the policy differences he had with Barack Obama during the 2008 presidential primary campaign weren't really differences at all.
"Environmentalists will demand government action to curtail an exploding polar bear population, which threatens endangered seals with extinction.
"Nevada Sen. Harry Reid, the Senate's majority leader, will review voter opinion poll data and then announce he will not seek re-election to the U.S. Senate. Reid will explain he wants to spend more time with his family.
"The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences will introduce a new Oscar category: Best Presentation of Alternative Lifestyles.
"Republicans in Congress will have backbone transplant surgery, provided by their constituents.
"Countless times in 2010, President Obama will say, 'Let me be clear.' He will not be.
"The football team of the University of California, Berkeley, will win the Pac 10 Conference championship. The Bears will compete for the national championship in the 2011 Rose Bowl game. (Hey, I have to include some fantasy.) http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=120223
 

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Miguel Diocuore(aka Mike Corthell) invites you to visit him on facebook and take a look at his political discussion forum. You may also like to read his thoughts at his ''I SAY'' blog.
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Drawers, Boxers and Briefs

Posted by Diocuore on Monday, December 28, 2009 7:15:05 AM

Drawers, Boxers and Briefs

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The Satan Clause

Posted by Diocuore on Monday, December 28, 2009 7:14:15 AM

The Satan Clause

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Fear of public expression growing in America

Posted by Diocuore on Sunday, December 27, 2009 6:09:26 PM

Fear of public expression growing in America


''About one in six said they were not very free or not at all free to even put a bumper sticker expressing their political or religious beliefs on their vehicles. One in five expressed the same reservations about discussing their beliefs if the conversation was in a public area. And more than one in four said they were not very or not at all free to express their opinions without fear of government penalty.''

There's a new "chill" that has nothing to do with claims of global warming or climate change and everything to do with the failing confidence Americans feel in their own freedoms, according to a new poll.
"More Americans this month felt that there was more of a climate of fear over their freedom of association – with more than one in three – 36 percent – saying that they believed Americans had reason to fear punishment or retribution based on who their friends were or who they met with. This is chilling stuff!" said Fritz Wenzel of Wenzel Strategies.
The WND/Wenzel telephone survey was conducted Dec. 18-21 using an automated telephone technology calling a random sampling of listed telephone numbers. The survey included 26 questions and carries a 95 percent confidence interval. It included 823 likely voters. It carries a margin of error of 3.4 percentage points.
His survey revealed that the WorldNetDaily Freedom Index took a huge plunge in December, dropping to its lowest ever mark of 46.4 on a 100-point scale. The assessment is based on respondents' answers to a series of monthly questions about how they feel about a basketful of liberties they enjoy as Americans.
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The survey's initial result in June was 57.6, which fell to 53.2 in July. There followed a slight uptick with 54.2 in August and 56.4 in September, but October fell again, to 52.2 followed by a weak rally at 53.6 in November. http://www.wnd.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=119894
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